New Experiences: Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

I’ve written before about having an open mind (and recommended the book MINDSET by Carol Dweck). As it’s such an important topic, I wanted to revisit it again.

Most of us probably have a standard response to things we don’t want to do – NO (if we can get away without doing those things). Yet if you’re in high school, college or your first job – you might want to consider saying yes to things you don’t want to do because of what you may learn or who you may get to meet.

A long time ago my husband and I were asked to take with us to Israel two very bulky sweaters Israelis visiting the U.S. hadn’t been able to take back with them. At the time my inclination was to say no, but I was prevailed upon to say yes as we were taking half-empty suitcases so we could bring gifts home.

The irony is that neither my husband nor I had relatives or friends in Israel at that time. We delivered the sweaters to the head of Israel radio and his wife, and suddenly we had the opportunity to meet real Israelis! A totally unexpected outcome of taking two bulky sweaters in our suitcases.

If a teacher, mentor or boss asks you to help out with a project that at first sounds boring, do not automatically say no. First, get more information about the project. Second, take a few minutes to think about how you might learn something new or meet some interesting people if you do this project. And then, with an open mind, if at all possible say yes.

Being open to new experiences is a wonderful character trait that can lead you to all kinds of interesting things. Of course, we’re talking about LEGAL projects. While you might learn from an illegal activity, this is not something you want to say yes to.

Use good judgment about saying yes to new things – and do say yes when it is appropriate to do so.

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Basic Work Etiquette:What Do Millennials Know?

The October 21st Wall Street Journal had an excerpt from Ron Alsop’s book “The Trophy Kids Grow Up: How the Millennial Generation is Shaking Up the Workplace.” (Alsop defines the millennial generation as born between 1980 and 2001.)

I’m not a huge fan of grouping an entire generation into one catch-all description, and the excerpt in the Journal didn’t do much to change my mind on this score. Yet this one part of the excerpt did catch my attention:

It may seem obvious that employees should show up on time, limit lunchtime to an hour and turn off cellphones during meetings. But those basics aren’t necessarily apparent to many millennials.

Why do I find this hard to believe? Because most millennials did have to show up on time for school or college classes or a babysitting job or a shift at Starbucks. And in high school there was a specified length of time for lunch and at Starbucks there was a specified break time. And believe it or not, high schools and places where teens get part-time employment do have rules about cellphones.

This is why I am always leery of anecdotal evidence. You can find anecdotes to prove whatever point you’re trying to make.

But in case I’m wrong, and you are a millennial who truly doesn’t know to show up for work on time, take only an hour for lunchtime and turn off your cellphones at work (and especially during meetings), please learn these work etiquette rules right now. And then go out and prove to the world that millennials do know these things.

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College Tutoring Help: Not a Stigma to Take Advantage of This Free Service

A friend of mine gave good advice to her daughter starting graduate school in a difficult subject area:

“Your school has free tutoring on any subject. Don’t wait until you fall behind. After you’re done on the first day of classes, go over to the tutoring center and review the material with a tutor. THIS IS NOT A STIGMA!”

I’m not sure why most people believe that getting help implies weakness rather than indicating strength. It is actually a much better plan for life to recognize when free services can strengthen your position and to take advantage of this available opportunity.

Each person learns in a different way, yet repetition of new material can probably help everyone. And, if you’re going over new material with a tutor, you might discover that you misunderstood something that, if not corrected, could set you off in a major wrong direction. Thus, by reviewing new material with a tutor, you can quickly discover where you’re about to go off track.

If your school offers such services and these services could be of help to you, do not refuse to go because you’re afraid this would make you look dumb. Instead, getting help makes you look smart – smart to take advantage of any help you can in order to make sure you’re on the right track.

And this advice is equally good for high school students at high schools with tutoring centers and for students at colleges and graduate schools with tutoring centers. If there’s help to be had, grab it and make the most of it.

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Finding a Strong Motivator for Your Child

At lunch today a friend told me about the motivation “scheme” her husband had devised for their son in his senior year of high school. The son had a D average in physics although he really understood physics concepts. He just didn’t study.

The parents hired a tutor, a young man who needed money. The son worked with the tutor two or three times a week for a few months, and he raised his physics grade to a B+ by getting As on all his remaining tests. What made the student actually try so hard to accomplish such a difficult task?

The parents told their son that, if he raised his grade to a B, the tutor would get a bonus of $1,000. Liking the tutor and knowing how much he could use the bonus, the student was invested in working hard – and he pulled off the deal. (I’m pretty sure the student also got a bonus.)

Finding a reason that can truly motivate someone can be very important. Long ago a newspaper reporter colleague of mine smoked. His young daughter asked him to quit smoking for his health, but he didn’t. Then one day his four-year-old son said, “When I grow up, I’m going to smoke just like my daddy.” My friend stubbed out his cigarette – and never smoked again. His own health wasn’t enough of a motivator, but the health of his young son was a very strong motivator.

If you’re a parent reading this post, consider what you may have offered in the past as incentives (maybe an iPod) or punishments (maybe grounded for two weeks). These things may not be strong enough motivators, especially as both options are in the future. Then consider what you could offer to, say, help your child reach his/her potential in a particular high school subject. Something that would be a very strong motivator – something in which your child would be invested in achieving.

Each person is different. Yet, by considering what could be a strong motivator for your child, you may have a better chance of helping your child on the way to finding his/her path in life.

Following My Passion – Introducing My Novel MRS. LIEUTENANT

Whenever I write about preparing for college applications, I stress that the most important activity during the high school years is to follow your passion. And by passion I mean doing something or learning to do something or learning about something that you truly love.

I coach high school students to follow their passion without worrying about the passion’s career potential. And I coach parents of high school students about facilitating the passion of their children.

For example, if a high school student wants to option a book for a possible movie, her parent does NOT say: “But, dear, you’re way too young to do this.” Instead her parent helps find out how to do this and to follow through. The knowledge learned from doing this project can be quite valuable regardless of what happens.

Another example: If a high school student wants to become a chess expert, his parent does NOT say: “But, dear, do you really think that will help get you into Harvard?” Instead his parent helps the student work on his chess game and encourages participation in local and regional chess tournaments. Again the knowledge can be extremely valuable. And, hey, Harvard may need a champion chess player the year the student applies.

Today the result of following my passion for many years is on Amazon. Almost 20 years ago two women producers optioned my story about my first weeks as a new army officer’s wife in the spring of 1970. When they couldn’t “sell” the idea, they told me I had to write a book. By the time the first draft of the book was written, the producers had moved on. And that started the many long years of rewriting and rewriting and rewriting.

Now persistence and hard work have paid off. The book was just recently a semi-finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. And I’m confident that this book is the story I’ve wanted to tell since the spring of 1970.

You can find my passion on Amazon: Mrs. Lieutenant: A Sharon Gold Novel -- enjoy!